I was just reading about Paris Hilton’s latest arrest and it occurred to me that we here at Pornhater Central Command haven’t done a post about the skanky heiress. How the hell could we miss posting about the most useless attention whore on the planet (no, seriously, a study was done and Paris was actually named Most Useless Attention Whore on Earth by our top scientists)?

Perhaps one day Paris will make an actual contribution to society, but I suspect that will only come if some dude she’s banging flips out, kills her, then runs her through a meat grinder and feeds her to orphaned pets.

Every one of the hundreds of FREE LIVE SEX CAM GIRLS at Streamate is hotter than Paris Hilton!

I knew there had to a logical explanation for Lady Gaga, and I finally found it — according to conspiracy theorists, the sucky pop songstress is a tool of the Illuminati, the secret cabal that controls the world and everything we see. They point out her constant use of Illuminati symbolism, like the All-Seeing Eye and butterflies and whatnot.

However, there are some folks who believe it goes even farther than that — they accuse Lady Gaga of being one of the Lizard People, the sinister dimension-hopping creatures who aid the Illuminati. Man, I was totally buying the thing about Gaga having a cock, but I’m even more into this Lizard Person theory.

Personally, I wish the Illuminati would get behind some old-school rock. If I’m gonna be controlled I’d at least like to listen to some Rush.

Link: Lady Gaga, the Illuminati Puppet at The Vigilant Citizen

Link: The Illuminati X-Factor at The Fortean TImes

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Sure, the Juggalos do a lot for society — for instance, there’s the famous Juggalo Charity, Homeless Bitches Be Needin Orgasms Too, I’m sure you’ve heard plenty about them — but the best thing about the Juggalos? Well, my friend, that would be the Juggalettes.

The Juggalettes are the Women’s Auxiliary of the whole Juggalo scene, always on hand to make sure the men got 40s and gats and plenty of blowjobs. Visit the awesome website Look At This Fucking Juggalo for more information.

We here at Pornhater (well, except for Big Daddy Pornhater, he hates the Juggalos) salute you, Juggalettes!

Are there Juggalettes among the hundreds of FREE LIVE SEX CAM GIRLS at Streamate?

While we here at Pornhater Central Command certainly don’t condone violence against women, we wouldn’t mind at all if Oksana Grigorieva (famous gold-digging, button-pushing trophy wife of Mel Gibson) were to accept an invitation to attend next year’s Gathering of the Juggalos, perhaps to perform a duet with the lovely Tila Tequila.

I mean, seriously — is there anyone on the planet at this point who can’t see that this chick knew exactly what she was doing in setting Mel off? Sure, maybe he could’ve exercised a little restraint, but let’s face it, she worked it like she was on rock-breaking duty in the gulag and didn’t want to miss out on her tasty supper of gruel and vodka.

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I don’t care what your political views are — Meghan McCain is one hot piece of ass. And so is her mom.

Plus there’s that whole brewery thing or whatever.

As you may have heard, Elin Nordegren and crazed slut-fucker Tiger Woods’ divorce was finalized this week. So now this hot piece of ass is on the loose with 100 million dollars and a sadness in her heart. Well, maybe not that “sadness” thing.

The best part is, thanks to Tiger Woods’ astonishing inability to keep his dick in his pants, you could promise Elin that you’d only fuck 10 or 12 other chicks and you’d seem like a step up. Thanks, Tiger!

As if I weren’t depressed enough, now I hear that pop divas Britney “C’mon, Admit You Wanted To Fuck Me At One Point” Spears and Lady “Unless You’re A Gay Man You’d Never Want To Fuck Me” Gaga are possibly going to join forces to hammer the final nail into the coffin of music.

Seriously, I have nothing to offer on this subject other than that I’m praying for a doomsday asteroid.

A palate cleanser:

YouTube cutie “boycrazy” gives us the lowdown on sideboob.

I couldn’t tell you why the hell Heidi Montag is famous other than that she had a shit-ton of plastic surgery done. I don’t know if she’s on a reality show like Snooki, J-Woww and the other fucktards on Jersey Shore or if she banged Tiger Woods or gave Nazi salutes to Jesse James. All I know for sure is that “Heidi Montag” and “Spencer Pratt” sound like minor characters from a Fu Manchu novel — “Good Lord, Sir Denis! Dr. Petrie tells me that young Spencer Pratt and his chambermaid Heidi Montag have fallen victim to the insidious Dr. Fu Manchu!”

And I also know, of course, that like all talentless shitheels today (that’s right, I’m looking at you, Montana Fishburne, Kim Kardashian, and Paris Hilton), Heidi and Spencer have a sex tape that’s about to be released upon the world courtesy of Vivid Entertainment.

Can we please have a different apocalypse? This one is too slow.

When it comes to porn, the internet is a real double edged sword. It’s brought us unparalleled access to every kind of porn under the sun but the flip side is that 98% of it is crap. That’s why lately we’ve been checking out the cam babe sites, where you can actually interact with a real person. Our favorite is Streamate, they have a huge number of live cams with every type of girl and best of all you can chat for free. Because people might be a bit wary of this type of site we thought a review was in order.

When you visit the Streamate site you’ll see a bunch of cam thumbnails, feel free to click on one to enter a live chat. Now don’t expect a knuckle deep sex show, you (usually) won’t get that for free. But you will get a surprisingly high resolution video window (usually with sound) with a lovely young lady just waiting to chat with you.

Yes, it’s that Amy Fisher. You never know who might turn up on Streamate. I’ve seen everything from Thai ladyboys and Eurasian babes from Siberia to ultra petite porn star Little Lupe Fuentes and a toothless grandma from Arkansas.

Now it’s free to watch the public chats but you’ll want to at least sign up for the free registration. It will allow you to chat with the girls (you need to get a username), save them to your Favorites, get notified when they’re online, see higher resolution shows and (most importantly) see the cam show prices. I’ll go ahead and spill the beans: the cam shows run from 99 cents a minute and up. Most are in the $2 to $4 a minute range. It sounds a bit expensive but when you think about it, it’s actually a good deal. How long is it going to take you to do your business? If you’re prepared it could only take a few minutes. Even if you watch for 20 minutes you’re still way ahead of what you would have wasted in a strip club, with the added bonus that you can actually talk to the girl and get to know her a little, if that’s your thing.

I’ll let you in on a little secret too: If you register with the site and don’t spend any money on a show for a week or so they’ll send you a special offer with a week’s free access to all the recorded shows. To be honest, these recorded shows are pretty damn hot and will get the job done quite nicely. Lynyrd and I both signed up and we can verify that even though they ask for credit card information they do NOT charge you on initial sign up, only if you go into a private chat. It’s strictly for age verification, and also so you won’t have to enter payment information when you’re all worked up and ready for a chat. Also, they don’t sell your email address or send you a ton of spam. I used a one-off email address to sign up and I’ve only received a couple of emails from them, none from any other porn sites.

So to sum up: Streamate free cam chat really is free, make sure you register to get free access to the video archive and keep an eye out for quasi-celebrities. And if you have a thing for gorgeous Russian and Eastern European babes you’ll love Streamate. There’s plenty of American gals too but I love those dirty Russian girls and their Boris Badanov accents.

Site: Streamate Live Sex Cams